you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize