You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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