just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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