i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
