Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
