well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize