before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
