I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
