The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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