If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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