Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
