I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
