Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Mom said you looked used
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize