She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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