one might say we're banned from that church
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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