I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
