She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
