if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
