I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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