if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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