Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
