he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
