i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
