i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
