i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
