Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
