I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
