I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
