I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
