what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
