theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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