i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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