my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
