Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
