pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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