im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize