Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
