You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
