But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
