I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
