we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
