I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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