I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
