i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
