I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
