I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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