No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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