you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
