can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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