Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
