dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
