i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
