I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
