You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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