Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
