no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
