I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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