if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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