I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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