shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
