I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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