I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
