hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
