I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i think my cat just said my name.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
