Soap is not a condiment
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
