Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
