C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
