maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
