SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
