My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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