Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
