It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
