So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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