Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
