You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
