he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We are all done wearing pants today
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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