Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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