my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize