I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
