I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
