wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
