turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
