I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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