You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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