new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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