If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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