I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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