yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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