Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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