we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
