Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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