he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
