remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
do nipples grow back?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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