I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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