Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
