I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
