So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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