Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
